Dreaded October

Such a damn depressing month, october, the dreaded hated space of time that is such a burden on my mind and soul. Lost dream, memories and the blood of friends staining the very fabric of my being.

So many lost through the years and all upon the month of my birth and like a true libra, the balance was maintained. A happiness of birth balanced with the loss of life. The great balance, the great joke that fate plays upon the living. Nothing to excess they say to save the soul, perhaps we are damned either way.

I guess my feelings towards this month are the same. It's a month of death and decay, the transition from sunny days full of life to that of winter cold and a cleansing of the world around me till it's crystal white. It's strange despite my distaste for the events that happen within this time, I enjoy this time of year the most. I enjoy the silence, the dark and raining landscape. The wilting world of shadowy brilliance. Perhaps if I could capture the essense of the visions within the construct of a canvas frame I would feel alittle more distance from the trace I find myself in when I stare at it.

I still find myself watching through the window during the day, just staring at it, as if I staring at my reflection in the shattered peices of a mirror. Trying desprately to see the entire image. Perhaps someday I will understand what calls to my core in this landscape till then I shall enjoy the view and the darkness...